Dear Lord Jesus I,

need you but I,

don’t know what to say to you anymore.

I’m afraid to face you, cause face it, I’ve been disgracing you to your face;

right in front of your face.

And although your name is sacred to me I basically ran it into the ground.

And I say it’s sacred to me but lately I’ve been having doubts.

I’ve been running around acting wild,

not acting wild, but you can say I’ve been acting out.

Acting out my natural nature instead of your supernatural power.

I remember vaguely the way we use to speak,

daily but I traded you away for ladies and sleep.

Now I feel like there are shades over my eyes, what use to be plain is hazy now.

And what’s shady is that you saved me and you gave me your light.

And I’m the one that placed those shades over my eyes.

I say shades but what I meant to say was vertical vinyl blinds.

The only time I see your light is whenever you blow my mind.

Any other time it’s as if you don’t exist.

If someone studied my life they would say you don’t exist.

Study me line for line they would say the intro was hot.

But somewhere around the middle it kind of dipped out.

I didn’t take the time out for you to proof read it.

I didn’t even ask.

You know those tabs you suppose to have at the beginning of each paragraph.

Jesus, I can’t take this anymore!

I want to come running back to you but got dang you far!

Please excuse me for being upset, I’m sorry, it’s just at times like these I feel like I don’t have the strength to go on.

But I get it now, I figured it out. It’s your strength I need to lean on.

Jesus I realized that you are my everything.

I want to walk just like you, talk just like you.  Jesus I want to be just like you.  Basically, what I’m trying to say is;

I want you to dwell within me and deliver me well away from the depths of hell.

I want so much of you in me that my resemblance to you is clear.

To the point that people come up to me and say, don’t I know you from somewhere?

But no no, it wasn’t me; it was you in me that they see;

which gives me the perfect opportunity to reintroduce them to you.

You’re the one they remember.

Jesus, I want your purity,

whatever is inside of me that shouldn’t be, take it out of me and replace it with you.

You, you and only you, solely you, cause only you can make me into the me I need to be.  Seems to me that I’m starting to understand,

so the only thing I have left to say is thanks again.

Jesus, in your name I pray,

Amen.

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spoken word, vault

July 9, 2010

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